Hogwarts Conspiracy
by Insane and Crazy
Summary: Draco Malfoys leaned back and thought of the plan as he dozed off. Kidnap Dumbledore... replace him with Domblenor, his alien clone... takes over the world... ZZZZZZZZZ.
1. the begining

Chapter 1- The Conspiracy Begins

Setting: Space

Draco Malfoys sat around watching Professor Snake prepare for the take off. Earth was far below and looked peaceful. But that will change thought Draco. He glanced around the potion room- Crabben and Gloyle were watching with interest their earth clones, Crabbe and Goyle. Unlike his pea brain bodyguards, Draco had no interest in humans. Harrny Potter, his mortal enemy, was whispering to Wron Weasly and Herrmione Grangle. Draco rolled his eyes and focused again on Professor Snake.

"All right, settle down," Professor Snake hissed. "Take off will be in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0!" The space ship launched off XR211 and went hurling towards earth at a slow 908,070,605,040,302,010 MPMS (miles per millisecond). Draco leaned back and thought of the plan as he dozed off. Kidnap Dumbledore... replace him with Domblenor, his alien clone... takes over the world... ZZZZZZZZZ.

...

Setting: Hogwarts

"Harry! HARRY!" Ron ran into the room with an arm full of books. "Harry, I saw it. I saw ALIENS!" Harry groaned.

" Ron, for the last time, THERE ARE NO ALIENS! Just face it." 

"But there are and every human has an evil clone and they're coming right now to take over the world!"

"Put a sock in it!"

"What's going on?" Hermione came in and flopped down in a chair. "You guys aren't planning to blow up another toliet, are you ?"

Harry glared at her. "Ron's talking about aliens and evil clones again." Hermione stared at Ron for awhile and then picked up her stuff .

"I'll be in my room if you need me." And with that she vanished. 

Harry sighed. "She justs as crazy as you are Ron." He stood up and He and Ron went to their room. 

No one noticed the space ship on the roof.

Authors Note: Hi! So far so good? Send lots of reviews. Don't worry, it gets funnier. It'll hopefully be updated soon. Yes, I know it's kinda corney but this is my first work. So, review, review, review! 

(-_-) ( *)=


	2. A Breif intermition

Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter characters when flying monkeys take over the world.

A note from the author:

Hello again. I am going to have a brief intermission with the story. The person who helps me writes the fiction won't be able to for a while.

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Insane: since my assistant, crazy, is not here, *unfolds a sheet of paper* NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Gabby: Yes! I shall take her place. 

Insane: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Gabby: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! YOU!!!* After finely noticing Insane there*

Not YOU! I have to corporate with stupid, ugly, rude, evil pig. 

Insane: ARE NOT

Gabby: ARE TOO

Insane: ARE NOT

Gabby: Are too and that's final. Now we have to inter view the characters. Snake, what do you think

Snake: THAT'S PROFESSOR SNAKE! I hate it. How come Malfoys gets the credit of MY spectacular idea of taking over Hogwarts?

Malfoys: It was sssssooooooo my idea. You're too stupid to come up with that. 

Snake: am not!

Malfoys: Are too!

Snake: am not! 

Harrny: You both are now shut up!

Snake: That's it 30 points from Griffondor. 

Harrny: We don't even go to Hogwarts AND YOU aren't even a professor there!!!

Snake: Oh! I mean, I knew that.

Harrny: RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHTTTT!!!!!!!!

Snake: I did so.

Harrny: Did not 

Insane: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT!!! Besides it was MY idea.

Gabby: It was not it was Crazy's idea.

Insane: Shut up! Wait what are we talking about? I've forgotten.

Gabby: Me too. O.K. next question. 

Ron: I have a question. Why did you make me sound crazy and stupid?!

Insane: I did not make you sound like Crazy!

Ron: that's not what I meant. 

Insane: you know what I don't really care and this is boring so I'm leaving. 

Gabby: You can't leave. There were only 2 questions. 

Insane: Does it look like I really care at the moment. Good buy. 

Gabby: But you aren't done yet

Ron: And you have not fully answered the Question yet

Insane: LaLaLa Im not listing. hmmhmmhmm. the voices in my head. Heeheeheehahaha .........

Ron: She really is insane.

Gabby: Hints the name oh wise one.

Ron: thank you

Gabby: I was being sarcastic. Well I guess were done. By.

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	3. yet another stupid chapter

Hey, sorry we haven't updated lately. (and sorry about the 2nd chapter) We own nothing in this story unless you count the evil clones we made up. Please R/R.

Insane: Hey what's wrong with my chapter?! 

Crazy: Uh, well, see, it's, STUPID! (crazy runs for her life and insane follows, waving a knife and shouting threats)

Insane: It's not stupid! And i am NOT holding a knife. its a shoe . Now you've gone mad.

crazy: i'm not mad. i am crazy. 

Insane: same diff.

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Chapter 3- They Meet

Ron slouched to the Great Hall, trying to hide his black eye. He and Malfoy had met in the hall and Ron had got the worst of the fight until Hermione showed up and put Malfoy in the Full Body Bind. Ron just wished she had sho-

Bump.

"Going some where, Weasly?" Malfoy leaned in close to Ron's face. "What's the matter? 

Cat got your tongue? Or did it get your eye?"

"Shoo fly, don't bother me." Ron tried shoving past but was stopped by Crabbe.

"Watch it, Weasly, or-"

"What ever are you doing?" Hermione came out of no where and with just one look flicked her wand. "Moveasafeo." Ron felt a fuzzy feeling and found himself outside the common room. 

"Excuse me, but are you RON?"

Ron tuned around and came face-to-face with someone who looked exactly like him.

"I'm Wron, with a w." 

They gaped at each other and then both fainted.

* * *

"HI, HARRY!" Harry spun around to find himself face-to-face with two Rons. 

"AAAHHHHHH!" He jumped up and went crazy. "WHAT THE HECK? HELP! THIS IS NUTS! I QUIT! END THIS DREAM NOW!" He spun around and saw Harney. "AAA

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" He ran to the Hospital Wing to have a CAT scan.

Wron gave Ron a weird look. "He's not usually that weird," Ron explained. "He's just surprised." He glanced at Harney. "So, what's your friend's name?"

"He's Harney. Hey, want to see the space ship?" Ron nodded furiously.

"ASBSOULUTLY NOT!!" The three spun around and came face-to-face with Snake.

"Professor Snake! Oh, hi."

Ron and Wron spun around and Harney ran. The *evil clone of Snape (Snake) was standing there. "20 points from Grirendorn for your stupidity, Mr. Weasly.

"Grirendorn is my House at Pigpimples," Wron whispered.

"And 20 points from Griffendor for the attempt of visiting an alien ship."

"Griffendor's mine," Ron whispered back.

"Cool." Wron and Ron said at the same time and then fainted.

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*Yes, I know it's hard for they're to be an evil clone of an evil person, but oh well.


	4. yet ANOTHER dumb chapter

Author: I own no Harry Potter stuff but I own the Pigpimple stuff so ha-ha to you.  
  
The title, Chapter Two: Amanda Singapore  
  
Dumbledore was sitting quietly at his desk when he heard a strange, muffled hissing. He looked through his room and found his sneakoscope under his spare handkerchief. As he puzzled over what was causing it to go off he heard a knock and Amanda Singapore poked her head in.  
Amanda was the ministries disaster and miracle. Spells didn't affect her at all, so when the orphaned muggle teenager stumbled into the Quidditch World Cup it was impossible to modify her memory. Dumbledore convinced the ministry that because she was an orphan she was no threat and would make a very good muggle studies teacher at Hogwarts. Dumbledore smiled, because it was always a pleasure to talk to her. "Mrs. Singapore, what a pleasure to see you. How can I be of assistance?"  
. . .  
Amanda was in her office when it happened. Snape walked in (not knocking, as usual) and smiled. Amanda tried to suppress the usual shudder (the nose and greasy hair freaked her out!) and politely said, "Yes, Snape?"  
"That's Professor SNAKE to you," he snapped and pointed his wand at her. Amanda plunged her hand into her robes for her wand when she remembered she was a muggle. Drat, she thought as ropes coiled around her.  
. . .  
Ramanda smiled. Humans were so gullible. "Professor, I have a question." She smiled innocently. "If it's a bother I'll go but-"  
"Oh, it's no bother, simply let me put this away." He turned his back and Ramanda whipped out her wand. When he turned back she was grinning evilly. Dumbledore looked shocked so Ramanda put on an Oh-boo-hoo- Dumbledore-is-caught-what-a-poor-baby face as she asked, "Here's my question- how does such a brilliant mind fall for that after his sneakoscope goes off seconds before I come in?" She smiled and then added just for fun, "CRUCIO!" She giggled hysterically as he screamed.  
Snake poked his head in. "Love, hate to stop your fun but time to go." Ramanda nodded and with a flick of her wand tied him up and made him float after him.  
. . .  
Harry walked slowly out of the hospital wing. The shock of seeing two Rons and himself was finally wearing off. He turned the corner, froze, and started screaming. Snake and Ramanda, who Harry thought was Snape and Amanda, stopped making out and stared at him. "EWW!! EWWWWWWW!! AMANDA, WHATIS WRONG WITH YOU!?! 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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry ran back to the hospital wing for another strong dose of medicine.  
  
Author: He-he. 


	5. betrayals,insanity,romance,&other crap

MUHAHAHA! YES! YOU THOUGHT I QUIT BUT I DIDN'T I'M BACK!! MUHAHAHA!  
  
ahem.  
  
Yeah, sorry I took so long to write. Wait, no I'm not. hehehe.  
  
K, I own the clones, XR211, the spaceship, Pigpimples and all its house, but that's all.  
  
So, moving on!!!!  
  
* * * * *  
  
Lean in, lean out. Lean in, lean out. Lean in, lean-  
  
"Ron!! Knock it off," Hermione screeched as Herrmione hollered, "Wron!! Knock it off!" The two glared at each other and spun away. That is, Herrmione spun away. Hermione happened to be tied to a chair so spinning was a bit of a problem. You could lean forward, as Ron and Wron were so annoyingly proving, but that was about it. So of course you could see that Hermione had a good excuse to scream at her best friend but Herrmione did not. "You backstabber, if you aren't tied to a chair as a prisoner you don't have an excuse for yelling, as our narrator has so artfully already stated. So shut up! For crying out loud, haven't you done enough damage for one day?"  
  
Herrmione Grangler laughed "Well, I'd hardly call betraying your two *best* friends, kidnapping 5 very annoying humans, and declaring my loyalty to Voldymorts damage. Besides, we can all see Ron and Wron are clones so there's no need to keep leaning in at each other like that."  
  
Snake and Ramanda suddenly walked in. Dumbledore was floating in midair and Amanda was dragging on the floor, quoting random movies and yelling, "Have at you! Come on, face me like a man you wimp!" Snake wracked her with his shoe. "OWW!! Come on, tis only a scratch!! The black knight always wins!" She suddenly had a French accent. "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries! You silly knigget, I fart in your general direction! Now go away before I taunt you a second time!"  
  
"HUSH UP!! If you quote Monty Python one more time I'll go nuts!" Snake turned to Ramanda with a pained look. "Are you sure she's not your evil clone?"  
  
Ramanda giggled. "Oh Snakey, you are sooooo funny!" Everyone grimaced at the use of his nickname and Harry and Harrney almost lost their lunch when they started kissing again.  
  
"Please, this ain't a romance novel people!" Malfoys and Malfoy strutted in and Herrmione immediately blushed and slid over next to him.  
  
"I wouldn't mind if it was, Malfoys." She batted her eyes and Malfoy stared in horror. "If you're Hermione from Hogwarts I will puke." Herrmione scowled. "I'm hardly that buck toothed, bushy haired moron! I'm from Pigpimples. I'm transferring to Snitherin as soon as we get back she added with a glance at Malfoys. "Besides, who are you and why do you care?"  
  
His chest puffed out. "I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. As a pureblood and Slytherin I was delighted at your scheme took take over the world and have joined your side."  
  
Herrmione scowled again. "You name was enough."  
  
'"You shot the invisible man!' 'Well, how was I supposed to know? He's invisible!' 'You were supposed to shoot up! We both shot up!"  
  
"SHUT UP AMANDA!!!!" 


	6. insanity saves the day

Wahoo! I'm on a roll! 2 chapters in 2 days! Alright!  
  
If any of you have questions on what I do or don't own, you can a) yank your hair in frustration trying to figure it out, b) scream, yell, and make crazy noises in an attempt to attract someone who can help you, c) kindly ask someone to tell you and attack if they won't help you, or d) go back to chapter 5 and read.  
  
I have something to say. Someone once commented that in one of my chapters my Ws take up more than half my chapter. Well, I apologize but I do that again with Hs. Don't blame! It's Amanda and Snape who caused it. If you have any complaints, let me know and I will dock their pay (having someone like Snape in your story is really expensive because they're soo well know) for a couple of months.  
  
So, onward ye fair and fat peasants!! To the story!  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Attention students!" Everyone in the Great Hall turned to stare at their headmaster. He had been missing all day and had just turned up in the middle of dinner. Now that they were about to leave, he had leapt on to the table and began speaking to them. "I have some announcements. Classes for the rest of the year are cancelled. Professor Snake, erm, Snape is in charge. No one is to bother me. Do as you wish unless Snape says otherwise. If anyone disrupts my plotting of taking over the world- erm, I mean, of the. new chamber pot room I'll be adding, the punishment will be swift and merciless death- erm, I mean, detention for a month." He hopped down, tripped, used the table to get up, pulled off the tablecloth, and stumbled out of the room.  
  
Marching down the hall, Dumbledorre muttered to himself. "Stupid tablecloth. Some exit. No show of power at all! I'll have the redo that Great Hall soon, it's too. too. cheery." He shuddered. "Yes, well, at least the plan is going fine. It's about the only thing good on this planet. Really, I'll have to meet this Voldemort fellow and get some tips on world conquest. His mere name causes shuddering. That's what I want. Yes, shuddering, power, yes, yes." Giggling madly, he entered Dumbledore's room, then belted out an evil laugh. "Muhahahaha!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! HAHA! HA! HA!H- cough, cough, cough."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Ba-wing-a-ma-ho. Ba-wing-a-ma-ho." Wron and Ron's voices mix quite well, making the perfect background for Hermione's soprano voice.  
  
"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."  
  
"Ba bum, ba bumbaway!"  
  
"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight."  
  
"Ba bum, ba bumbaway!"  
  
Amanda's voice floated in. "A weeeeeeeeeeeee! Do do do do!"  
  
"Ba bum, ba bumbaway!"  
  
"A weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Do do do do!"  
  
"Ba bum, ba bumbaway!"  
  
"In the villiage, the peaceful villiage, the people sl-"  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Snape had been sitting in the corner, trying to ignore the idiotic people around him. Now he was on his feet (a very hard thing when you are tied to a chair) and his beet red face was etched with anger. " IF YOU SING ONE MORE STUPID SONG ABOUT JUNGLES, COCONUTS, OR RIGABAMBOOS I WILL GO INSANE!!!!" He stopped, panting heavily.  
  
Amanda's eyes were wide. "Really? Let's test that! A rigabamboo! Now what is that? It's something made by Princess Pa-"  
  
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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He charged across the room and crashed into her, ripping his hands free and attempted to strangle her.  
  
"Snape! Look!"  
  
He paused his murder attempt and glared at Wron. "That's Professor Snape to you, mister! I don't care if you aren't my student, you will address me properly."  
  
Wron rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever slime ball. Look at your hands!!"  
  
Snape glanced down and his eyes went wide. "I'm free!"  
  
"Untie us!" Everyone started scooting closer and Snape got busy.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Tang music floated in. Voldemort grabbed Bellatrix's hands. "Dance with me, Bella!" Giggling, she got to her feet and they began to tango. Narcissia Malfoy stood near by, watching whit a fake smile and offering cheesecake to her guests. Why oh why did her husband always offer to hold his Death Eater meetings at their house? And why did they always have to tango? She laughed softly as she remembered the conversation that question had caused last night.  
  
"Father, why do you always tango? It's not very Death Eatery."  
  
Lucius Malfoy glanced up from the paper to look at his son. "Tangoing is a sacred ceremony. It dates back thousands of centuries and is very Death Eatery."  
  
"Then why don't you call yourself Evil Tango Dancers?"  
  
"That's hardly going to cause people to shudder, now is it?" He turned the page. "The dark mark was fired at the Riddle house last night. Probably Pettigrew, that stupid rat."  
  
But Draco wasn't satisfied. "Well, if people find out you tango then Death Eaters isn'y going to cause shuddering either."  
  
Lucius was getting annoyed. "Well they won't find out will they?"  
  
"Bet they do."  
  
"Bet they don't"  
  
"Bet they do."  
  
"Draco, that's enough!"  
  
'Then everyone will laugh when they see you on the street."  
  
"ENOUGH DRACO!!"  
  
"Voldemort will be ruined; Death Eaters will be a thing of the past."  
  
Lucius sprang to his feet. "I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU INSULT THE SACRED TANGO!!! YOU ARE GROUNDED!!!!! GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!"  
  
"But Father, the house elves are still in there."  
  
"GO!!!"  
  
Narcissia sighed. That happened just about every night. Then after a few seconds Draco would come back down and his punishment would end. Lucius would never be willing to do any more 'awful punishment' than that, even though everyone thought he was kind of father who beat his children.  
  
"Narcissia, great party." She turned to fin herself facing Macnair. Great, the grand ministry murderer himself. Muggles was one thing, but animals? Despicable. Smiling sweetly, she held out the cheesecake. "Macnair had wonderful to see you. Cheesecake?"  
  
"Thank you." Taking the plate, he did another one of his "smiles". Really, all it did was make his unpleasant face look even more pained. "So, any idea why Dumbledore is here and not tied up?"  
  
Frowning, Narcissia shook her head. Earlier, Dumbledore had walked in and summoned all the wands in the room. Then he stunned everyone by walking up to Voldemort and shaking his hand. After swapping a few whispers, Voldemort had pointed to a corner, where Dumbledorre had been ever since. It was upsetting to everyone, but Dumbledorre had not returned the wands and Voldemort hadn't said anything so there was nothing they could do.  
  
Suddenly the Music stopped. Voldemort stood up. "Tangoers, welcome. This has been a marvelous meeting, Narcissia." She nodded and Voldemort pointed to Dumbledore. "I would like to introduce Domblenor, who has some very interesting story."  
  
* * * * *  
  
So, how was it? I have just a few comments to make and then I'll close this chapter. First, I would like to say I wrote this the day after I posted chapter 5 but the internet was down and I couldn't post it so do forgive me.  
  
Next, please R&R, and flame me if you wish but don't be surprised if I add some kind of nasty note in my next chapter.  
  
Lastly, I dedicate all the tangoing and stuff to do with tangoing to my big sis Melon and my friend Martino. They gave me the idea and are the true Evil Tango Dancers.  
  
K, so till next time!! ;-) 


	7. the battle

K, this is amazing. 3 days, 3 chapters. Now, I couldn't post it that fast but I did type it that fast. So, you know the disclaimer: I own clones, XR211, Pigpimples, houses, and Amanda Singapore (Ha! Take that, Insane! I own you!). So it's story time!!  
  
* * * * *  
  
Harry was grumpy. He was used to being the hero and letting Snape take over was a very new thing for him. But Snape was the only one who remembered how to get out so he was in charge.  
  
"Come on, Potter, quit the day dreaming and hurry up." Snape hurried around the corner and stopped, causing everyone to bump into him. "What the..."  
  
Snake sneered. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Herrmione rapped on the door. The two Dracos stood behind her, comparing the accomplishments of Voldemort and Voldymorts. Disgusting, she thought. We're trying to take over the world and all they can do is argue about their heroes. This is disgusting.  
  
Domblenor flung open the door. "What?" he hissed.  
  
Herrmione saluted. "Sir, we have the official list of allies. The Death Eaters, Draco Malfoy, the giants, and the dementors have joined up with us and only Wron and Harrney have betrayed us."  
  
"Good, good. I-"  
  
"Sir!" Ramanda raced into view. "Sir, the prisoners are gone!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Amanda strolled about slowly. She walked pat a hall where Snake and Snape were close to killing each other, a room that Dumbledore, Ramanda, Herrmione, and the two Dracos were running across, and walked out to the courtyard. It was time to visit and old fiend.  
  
Knock, knock, knock. "Hello, Hagrid."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Snape cracked his knuckles. His blood was pumping and his hand was ready. Every since the fall of Voldemort he had sat, content to be a school teacher, but you don't lose 25 years of fighting, especially when 12 years of that was spent as a Death Eater. The Dark Mark felt hot on his wrist and Snake smirked at him, looking like an over large bird. My gosh, he thought. No wonder the children make fun of my nose.  
  
"So, Snape, you and-"  
  
"Petrificus Totalus!" Thank goodness for quick reflexes. He couldn't remember ever getting his wand out that fast. Unfortunately, Snake had them too and dodged it. Whipping out his own wand, he spun and attacked. "Cruicio!"  
  
Snape jumped over the purple beam. His Death Eater side of him took over. Throwing away the fact that it was totally illegal, he yelled, "Imperio!"  
  
Snake flung himself onto the ground. Taking advantage of this, Snape leapt forward and grabbed for the throat. Snake quickly grabbed Snape's wand hand and held it away from him. After grappling for a moment Snape yanked his knee up straight into Snake's stomach. Gasping, Snake tried to reach his wand that was laying a short distance away but Snape began doing what he had sworn he would never do. As a last resort, muggles always punched him when he was a Death Eater. It was stupid when you had a wand but in his attempt to get his own wand Snake had knocked Snape's away. So he began punching.  
  
Suddenly something slammed into his side. Gasping for air, Snape rolled over. Snake dove for his wand but crashed into Harry, who had come flying out of no where. Stupid kid, he thought angrily. He's going to get us all killed! Snape slid under the two and snatched the wands. "Petrificus Totalus!"  
  
Snake grabbed Harry and avoided the beam by giving Harry the full blast in the chest. Hermione screamed as the still Harry fell to the ground but Snape hardly noticed. One casualty, he thought. No biggie. Just a the body bind. He charged at Snake, who swung around. "Avada Kedavra!"  
  
Snape heard screaming all over but he couldn't see. A green light filled his vision. No, he thought. Someone's about to die!  
  
It never occurred to him it might be himself.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Dumbledore groaned and rolled over. While the others had been left in the school basement, Domblenor had taken no chances and stuck him in the spaceships prison cell. And it wasn't even cool like you would expect from aliens.  
  
His head whipped around as footsteps came down the stairs. Hagrid stepped in slowly. "Hagrid! Thank goodness!"  
  
Hagrid stared at him before picking up a nearby wand. "The name," he sneered. "Is Handrid. Imperio!"  
  
Idiot, he thought. Throwing this off is like stealing candy from a baby. But to fool him, he obeyed the command. Sleep. Sleeeep.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Amanda and Hagrid ran into the hall and skidded to a halt. Silent for a while, Amanda finally gasped, "Snape!"  
  
Dead. No doubt about it. No chest movements, none of that awful croaking sound when he was unconscious or the snoring he did when he slept. Nothing. Silent and still as the grave.  
  
"No," Hagrid croaked out. "No. The slimy git can't be dead!"  
  
"The black night always wins!" Amanda whispered. "Why didn't he win?" 


	8. the dumbest chapter yet

Snape tried to open his eyes. Ow. Ow. OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!!!!!!!!!! There. Open. And look. I see a blur. Funny, it looks like a person. A familiar person. In fact, it looks just like... "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Welcome to Miami! Come on, sit down. Not like you don't have the time." Sirius Black leaned back in his beach chair and sipped his drink. Snape stared opened mouthed. "How am I alive? Well, apparently it's not a good idea to throw a live person into the veil of death. How did we switch country, continent, and hemisphere? Well, I'm still working on that."  
  
Snape continued staring. "But. but. it's impossible! I was hit with Avada Kedavra!"  
  
Sirius' eyebrows rose. "Hmm. Interesting. Oh well. How's life?"  
  
Snape shrugged. "Oh, you know. Alien's taking over the school, Dumbledore taken prisoner, regular life with The Dark Lord back." Then, memory hit him like a thousand pound weight. "Oh no! Holy crap! Holy s-"  
  
"NOO!! No bad language! Think of the G rating!"  
  
"-hoot! Potter! That idiot! He'll be killed!  
  
Sirius stared at him. "Harry? Danger? AND YOU CARE? CRAP THIS MUST BE BAD!! What do we do?"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Voldemort stretched his fingers, struggling to reach. "Ha!" His fingers touched the red circle. "Take that, Malfoy!"  
  
Lucius frowned. He reached, trying to touch the red with out losing his footing on green and blue, nor his other hand on yellow. But he did not have the long fingers as the Dark Lord did and so he toppled to the ground, dragging Manicar, Crabbe, Goyle, Bellatrix, and Pettigrew down with him. Voldemort sprang up. "Ha-ha! The Twister champion lives! Who's spinning this time?"  
  
Narcissia sighed. Again, the meeting was at her house. After the tangoing was over, the official Death Eater Game "Twister" was brought out. Voldemort was undefeated, partially because he was good, and partially because everyone who had managed to beat him were dead or had forgotten that part of their lives. Only Death Eaters played with the Dark Lord so she, Herrmione, and both Dracos stood on the side. Ramanda had wanted to come but had already told Snake she would help him guard the prisoners today. Not that that was a difficult feat. They were tied to a char for crying out loud.  
  
Which is when Dumblenor burst in yelling, "The prisoners have escaped!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
Harry flattened against the wall. Just his luck. Death Eaters were swarming the castle. Now it would be impossible to convince the others to leave him so he could go on his difficult journey and barley escape death. He turned to face the others. "Listen, I have an idea. Try to get all the DA members together. I'll go release Dumbledore and meet you back here."  
  
Hermione frowned. "Maybe someone ought to go with you Harry. After all, there's Death Eaters all over the place and-"  
  
"And you never know who will find you hiding and making plans to undo all the good we've done." Snake sneered at them, wand out stretched. "Thanks to your idiotic professor you escaped me last time but you won't be so lucky this time. Avada Kedra- AHHHHHHH!!!" Snake's eyes flew open and his body tensed. Slowly, he tipped forward and fell flat on his face. Harry's eyes were glued to the body and the arrow protruding from the back that he hardly noticed Hermione gasp.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Oh my!!" Snake's fallen body had revealed the most amazing, the most, gorgeous, handsome, beautiful thing Hermione had ever see. The man moved quickly strode forward and, brushing back his long blonde hair, began checking for a pulse. "Nothing. A swift kill. That makes 41, Gimilie."  
  
A short man with a long red beard stood next to him. "That doesn't count. He didn't know you were there." He turned around. "Aragorn, tell him it doesn't count."  
  
A black headed man came forward, his eyes on the children. "Figure it out amongst yourself and do it later. Who are you four?"  
  
Hermione tried to speak but the presence of the blond hottie prevented air from passing into her throat. Luckily, Ron was unaffected by the dead body and gorgeous man. "I'm Ron, and this is Wron, Harry, and Hermione. Who are you?"  
  
"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and this is Gimilie, son of Goyd, and Legolas of Rivendell. We are tracking an evil token, a ring, and have been through many lands. Have you seen it?"  
  
"Whats it look like?" The mention of a ring quirked Harry's attention enough to tear his eyes away from the body. Earlier, he had found a ring in a place he was sure the he shouldn't have. It was buried deep in a closet he didn't even know existed, yet strangely he knew just where to look. It had been bothering him all day but hadn't said it because he knew Ron would immediately suggest it was yet another scheme of Voldemort's to kill Harry and Hermione would suggest giving it to Dumbledore and Harry felt a strange desire to keep it.  
  
Aragorn's eyes turned on him and Harry felt the eyes bore through him, as if he could see and hear his every thought. "Golden, sometimes with a strange writing around it. It was on a chain, though I know not if the chain has survived. He who was carrying it originally was killed at the summit of Mount Doom by a creature named Gollum. However, when we found Gollum he had lost it to what he described as "that evil red eyed Voldemort"."  
  
"Voldemort!" Harry blurted. "Why would he want a ring?"  
  
Legolas took a step forward, causing Hermione to almost stop breathing. "The ring of power has the power to destroy or rule the world."  
  
"Yep, sounds like You-Know-Who alright," Ron confirmed.  
  
"We went to where we were told he could be found but all we found was a note telling someone named "Bella, dear" that he had come here to fix an escape problem." Aragorn's eyes turned on Harry again. "But for some reason I think he doesn't have it."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Amanda and Hagrid crept up the stairs. Dang alien metal, Amanda thought. So noisy. When they reached the top Dumbledore was tie to a chair, gazing off into space. When they stepped into the light, Dumbledore looked at them with a stony expression. "Yes?"  
  
Amanda raced over and began untying him as Hagrid began hugging and blubbering. "Oh, professor, I thought you 'ere dead, and now your alright!"  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "Ah, good, its not just more clone. Please hurry, Amanda, the ropes are rather uncomfortable."  
  
* * * * *  
  
How's that? Please R&R!! I need suggestions!!  
  
Did yall like the lotr? I felt the need to add that little bit cuz I luv lotr sooooooooooooooooo mucho grande!!  
  
The part about the Death Eaters playing twister is donated to Melon and Martino. Thanx yall!! 


	9. harryharrney struggle for attention,lotr

They were lying in a ditch, inspecting the school. "What do you think?"  
  
Snape scratched his chin. "Dumbledore's our first priority. Without him, we're not going to last a minute in there."  
  
Sirius frowned. "What about Harry?"  
  
What about him, Snape thought. But he wasn't about to say that out loud. "Oh, Dumbledore can help us find him. Don't worry."  
  
Sirius considered this, finally nodding. "Alright, let's go.  
  
Gandalf strolled about lazily. What an interesting place. It wasn't hard  
to figure out who was going to try to blast you apart with those little  
sticks and who would run right past you so he was quite safe. But it had  
wonderful art work and architect. And his collection of little sticks  
was growing. Imagine, trying to harm people with these sticks. How  
absurd.  
  
"Gandalf!" He turned to see Aragorn running towards him. "Gandalf, thank  
goodness. This place is crazy! The people are running around with these  
sticks-"  
  
"For the last time, they're wands!" Legolas came around the corner with a  
bunch a children, the black haired one talking. "And we're wizards."  
  
Aragorn smiled. "Ah, Gandalf, this is Harry, Ron, Wron, and Hermione.  
They claim to be 'wizards'."  
  
"It's true," Hermione snapped. "And if you'd give us our wands back and  
quite obsessing over that stupid ring we could show you."  
  
"Absurd! A proper wizard doesn't wear black, and they use a staff, not  
these wands," Gandalf laughed.  
  
"Oh? Are you trying to say something about my skills?" Dumbledore walked  
briskly forwards, twirling his wand between his fingers.  
  
"Dumbledore!" The four children exclaimed.  
  
He smiled kindly. "Yes, thanks to Amanda and Hagrid I am free." He looked  
at Gandalf. "So, are you saying something about my skill? Because while I  
am quite the wizard, I both wear black and use a wand." He twirled the  
wand waiting an answer.  
  
Gandalf smiled. "Ah, a contest!! That we must have, but first..." He turned  
to Aragorn. "The Ring?"  
  
Aragorn glanced at Harry, who had gone stony faced. "Unfound."  
  
Dumbledore watched this exchange with interest and looked at Harry, who  
was very nervous. "Harry?" He stretched his hand forward.  
  
Harry froze. He couldn't give it up! Think, man, think! Harry stuck his  
hand out and shook. "Yes, good to see you again, must be going, say hi to  
Hagrid for me, bye!" He tore away from the grounds, knocking a few sticks-  
er, wands- out of his Gandalf's arms.  
  
Hermione stared. "That's odd. We were going to gather up the DA members."  
  
Dumbledore nodded. "Good idea, but take someone with you. Er, sir with  
the arrows, would you be so kind as to assist them?"  
  
Legolas nodded. "Yes but Gimile must come as well."  
  
"Like heck I will!" The midget glared at him. "I don't need an elf. I'm  
quite all right on my own."  
  
"Oh, so you're surrendering? Since I have 10 more kills, I suppose I  
win." The comment almost seemed innocent.  
  
"LIKE HECK YOU DO!! Come on lad, hurry up!" He stormed off and the way,  
way hot elf, Hermione, and the two Ron clones followed.  
  
Now, the more observant of you may have noticed that a certain member of  
our gang is missing. Where is Harrney right now? Well... committing a  
crime.  
  
Hey! He's my clone, so technically this is mine too, so technically it's  
not stealing. Comforted with this thought, Harrney grabbed Harry's  
invisibility cloak. And just because it's his planet doesn't mean he gets  
to be the hero all the time. I'm good at saving people's butts too. He  
slipped on the cloak and raced down the stairs, across the common room,  
through the portrait, and to the great hall.  
  
Where he hit a brick wall.  
  
Hagrid and Amanda were hurrying across the Great Hall, Amanda still  
blubbering about Snape. "The poor thing. The foul, evil, poor poor  
thing!!"  
  
"There there, I'm sure he's in a better place," Hagrid lied. "In fact, he-  
oof!!" Hagrid was thrown to the floor as if running into an invisible  
wall. Harry (or so they thought) appeared out of thin air, an  
invisibility cloak shimmering beside him.  
  
"Harry!" Amanda shrieked as she struggled to help Hagrid up. "What are  
you doing?  
  
Harrney, whom was being mistaken for Harry, stammered. "Uh, I... I..."  
  
"Oh, I see! Dumbledore sent you to go do something top secret and very  
important to the plan!" Amanda grinned. "Atta boy, Harry, way to be a  
sport."  
  
"Wha- uh, yes! Yea, so I gotta go." He jumped up and raced through the  
Great Hall disappearing as he pulled his cloak around him.  
  
Hey! Sorry I haven't updated for so long but I can't really help it. I'm  
about to start a new story but don't worry! I might take a while to  
update this one but for now on I plan on updating all stories equally.  
  
Thanx to all reviewers, for this story and others!! I love you guys!! 


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